What? Narcissism? We never want that association, that’s the polar opposite of our personality type right? It represents everything we don’t want to be..

“Narcissistic people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others.”

But empaths can care too much, feel too much, put others first too often.. at the expense of themselves.

Empaths take too much personal responsibility –
If something becomes wonky in relationship an empaths first thoughts are:

What did I do wrong?
How can I fix this?

Taking on responsibility that isn’t yours, often crossing your own boundaries to fix everything for everyone.

If you’re an empath and someone doesn’t like you, it’s absolutely devastating!
You’re trying so hard to be kind, helpful, considerate.. If all that effort isn’t enough, you can make it mean *you’re* not enough. Experiencing feelings of worthlessness.

Your mind will present all of the evidence that this is true, reminding you of all the times you weren’t picked, weren’t valued, weren’t seen.

Moments that you made mean “that must be happening because there’s something wrong with me”…

So you double down on kindness, do all of the nice things, raise everyone else up.. It creates so much pressure and often leaves you feeling like no one cares because you do so much that’s not reciprocated.

You have so much love to give to others but often don’t fully see your own worth or value.

Instead of doing even more, what if peace is accessed through a different door? What if what is actually needed is a healthy dose of narcissism…

Talking about vulnerable things or personal struggles can be easy for you, but do you sometimes hide the good stuff because you don’t want others to feel bad or to perceived to be “full of yourself?”. Give yourself permission to be full of yourself! It’s the nature of self love! Filled internally, in love with your own essence.

Are you always there for others but hide away and internally process when things aren’t going well for you?

Do you speak fast or not at all because you don’t want to take up too much of everyones time?

Narsissists don’t give a s*!t about this! Telling long winded stories about themselves, taking up space, attention…

Take a healthy dose of that! Slow everything down. Take up space in a room, own your voice and at table.

Call a friend when you’re feeling down. What you have to share is important.

Think of the people you admire. They wouldn’t be in the position they are in if they were constantly preoccupied with how everyone else is doing or ensuring they are well received and liked by everyone. They pull their energy in, are focused on their own alignment and share from that space.

Constantly managing everyone’s perception of you is the fastest way to be thrown off balance because we’ve gone outside ourselves in that moment.

I often share this technique with my clients-
Practice bringing 100% of your energy back within.
You know those moments where you’re in a room by yourself and someone else walks in, now what percentage of your energy is within, and what percentage is now on that other person?
For narsissists it might be 0-10% whereas an empath might go completely outside of themselves, putting 80-100% of their attention on the other person. If you’re a really hyper alert empath you might experience that before they even enter the room – hearing their car pull into the driveway, feel tense, getting up and change what you’re doing completely – constantly adjusting yourself because of that’s going on “out there”.
Practice bringing your attention back within. Grounding within.

Then let your movements be informed by how you feel and what you need rather than what everyone wants, expects or needs.

Be divinely selfish.
Own your greatness.
See your value.
Take up space.
You know how amazing you are, give yourself permission to love yourself.

An empathic client shared recently about asking for a pay rise. This has been a long time coming! She works for a Dr, who she had put in a position of authority above her. This time, instead of shrinking down, accepting less, making considerations, she completely owned her value and asked for what she was worth.
That meant having to sit in the meeting, watching and breathing while her boss was uncomfortable. In the past, every part of her would want to jump in and say “it’s ok, I’ll just take less” because being with someone while they are uncomfortable is incredibly uncomfortable for an empath!
But this spelt the end of minimizing her needs to make everyone else comfortable.
If you jump in too quickly in an attempt to minimize discomfort you also deprive the other person of fully receiving any lessons. She allowed him to be uncomfortable, get the lesson, see her value and increase her wage.

* Let people take responsibility for their own emotions
* Own your inner authority
* Take up space
* Express your truth – what you have to share is important
* Be divinely selfish
* See your value and worth
* Don’t position anyone above you
* Practice bringing your awareness back within, grounding into self

If you’re an empath and resonated with this or if you know some who would benefit from reading this, please share this blog.

x

Natasha Haddad Spiritual Psychotherapy