There are 2 kookaburras sitting behind me laughing right now, which feels really appropriate as the story I’m about to share felt like a cosmic joke.

So I decided to sign up for a voice activation program. It ran over a 6 days and one of the sessions was scheduled to start at 10am on the same day as my LNP practitioner training, which runs from 8am-10:30am. I emailed them to let them know in advance that I was going to be unavoidably late that day.

Sent it and forget it.

On the morning of the first voice session I had a long hairdressing appointment. One of those appointments where you bring snacks cos you’re going to be there for the entire day.

They had sent me confirmations and reminders which laid out the cost.

My colourist left for the day and the owners of the salon were finishing up my hair. We were talking about pricing.. They mentioned the price was cheaper for another process “not like yours which was $800”. My jaw dropped.

I casually pulled out my phone and showed them the appointment confirmation email from the salon that quoted muuuuch less and they’re like “oh that’s a mistake”.

Then she said “it was the colourists mistake in putting that through, we can get her to pay the difference”

What?! Absolutely not.

Now everyone makes mistakes, I have done that with clients in the past, honoured the price and let them know the correct details for the future.

I sat in the uncomfortable silence that followed.

Everything in me wanted to say “it’s fine, don’t worry about it”.

But I didn’t.

…more deafening silence.

I breathed through the awkwardness.

Resisted EVERY urge to make it go away.

I had to get up to move my car (ahh Sydney parking) when I came back in the energy had shifted, they had big smiles and said “we’ll honour the price this time”. I confirmed this was a sign of good faith and it wouldn’t be taken from the colourists pocket and they said yes.

Sheesh.

My challenge was to not interrupt an INCREDIBLY uncomfortable silence.

I am a recovering people pleaser and one of the worst things for people pleasers are making people uncomfortable.

This often overrides taking the most loving action in a moment because you’re trying to control and manage yourself and the world so that everyone stays happy and gets their needs met – often at the expense of oneself.

But the day didn’t end there, it gets better hahaha

So I leave the hairdressers and head to the first night of this voice event. I’m an hour early so I grab some dinner and wait. I’m eating and scrolling through my emails and there’s a reply from the organizer.

It basically said coming in late would disrupt the group so I cant attend that day. Ok, seems harsh but I want to honour the group so I replied asking if there were scheduled morning tea/lunch breaks, I could time it so I come back into the space with everyone else.

The reply comes straight away- no. And if I’m late, I can’t attend and if I miss a day I can’t attend future sessions. I checked the event page, maybe this was all laid out there; it wasn’t.

I’m seeing this in real time and I’m next door to the event that now starts in 5 minutes.

I walked in and there’s a stream of people behind me, I motion my hand to allow them in front of me so I can talk to the organiser privately because I wouldn’t want someone asking for a refund at one of my events when people are arriving.

But the people keep coming.. So I go up and politely introduce myself. I quietly say I respect the rules but that now means I can’t attend and would like a refund.

The friendly guy at the desk says I’m here anyway so I should just go in and experience the first night then they can refund the rest.

Nothing in me wanted to go in, in this moment. My back was sore from sitting in the hairdressing chair all day, I have my period and what would have been in my best interest at that moment would have been to go home, make a cup of tea and go to bed.

But I look at the stream of people behind me and not wanting to appear rude I say ok and go in (internal boundary violation).

There are no chairs. People are scattered sitting on cushions and the room is filling up quickly.

I sat down and just tried to surrender to the moment.

My back has been aching from about 1min into the session. An hour passes and I need the bathroom.

At the start they made a point of locking the door and taking the phone off the hook so we wouldn’t hear people arriving late and trying to buzz up. My back is killing me and i’m trapped!

I soon discover the session consists of the facilitator humming or singing a tune, then everyone repeating it.

I check my phone, it was 1.5hrs in of a 3hr night..

One lady on the exact opposite side of the room, right by the exit door starts crying.

Now release in these spaces is beautiful. There was a guy sitting behind me that started crying and releasing, beautiful. Genuine, unencumbered release. Good for him.

I walk with people daily to the depths of their internal pain and sit with them in it, holding them in love while they purge and release.

But then there are energy vampires. They stand out like a sore thumb to me. I could tell instantly she was using this as an opportunity to suck from the space with no concern for anyone else there.

She gets louder and louder, crying turned to hysterical screaming.

I’m watching this play out with awareness and God couldn’t have painted it in a more obvious way-

On one side, me sitting there, back in pain, incredibly uncomfortable but staying put because I didn’t want to appear to be rude or disrespectful (representing the empath/people pleaser- I’ll go against my best interests if it’ll make others comfortable).

And on the other side this woman (representing the vampire/narcissist)- I’m going to do whatever I want, with absolutely no concern for anyone else.

Now empaths/people pleasers become this way for many reasons, one of which is that they’ve been on the receiving end of narcissistic behaviour and never want to be like this.

But there is a healthy bridge between the two extremes:

Self- love, authenticity and consideration.

I was being called to embody that and walk the bridge that would lead me out of this space.

I had held people through so many times and I would be completely full of shit if I couldn’t do it for myself.

The most self loving thing to do right now? Leave.

I looked at the door. I would have to cross the entire room to get there.

As if pushed by angels a woman near the door opens it and walks out, which shows me it’s not locked.

I grab my bag and rise, respectfully moving through the crowd, smiling as I pass.

I get onto the street and waves of relief and celebration flood by being.

Self-love

I’m aware of what the most loving thing to do is in this moment. (Honouring my back and body means going home to rest).

Authenticity

I’m authenticity taking action (not going against my best interests or crossing my boundaries, also not trying to manipulate or control anyone else or the situation. Just a genuine internal movement grounded in love that’s expressed through action. In this moment it was leaving, in the moment earlier it was remaining silent.

and

Consideration

I’m aware of the people around me, I move through the world respectfully.

Those attributes are the bridge between empathy and narcissism, leading to balance and true harmony.

 

So I encourage you to do a little check in before taking action – is this self-loving, authentic and in consideration of others? Then take guided action.